Friendships after kids

An Open Apology to my Friends without Kids

I knew having kids would be challenging, I  had years of therapy in preparation. However, I didn't forecast the overwhelming permanent tiredness or the persistent onslaught of illnesses;  I somehow get sicker than my kids - WTF?!

I've magically managed to keep hold of a smattering of friendships with diehard 'DINKS', aka those that haven't taken this path to personal destruction. For reasons like, they don't want to talk about children, maybe the odd animal or 2 but that's usually a quick painless update.

They have remained interesting because they get out and about, spending their free time doing conversation worthy things. They have continued to climb the corporate ladder to success, not grounded into groundhog day just so they can keep all the plates in the air.  Even if they're workaholics, it's still enjoyable hearing about their work and life outside my tiny World.

But most of all, because they see me as "me"  remembering how I was before all this subdivision!  And thus, can remind me of my solo wilder self,  my unchained melody.

Unfortunately, this means making plans with them is a game of snakes and ladders!  Because, I never know up until the final moment if I can actually make it; something only another parent can truly understand. I can't diarise my kids' illnesses or tantrums , they seemingly arrive from  nowhere. For the latter, once  the hurricane has started, unless in the rare case when I'm not too exhausted to decipher the perplexing causation, I know we're screwed for the next couple of hours. Thus smashing my social engagement window! Not that I feel like going anywhere public after one of those tumultuous experiences, just into a deep dark hole somewhere in the woods - alone!!!

And, because these DINKS so goddamn busy making best use of their free time, it becomes a challenge  even getting into their diaries. I have one friend I need to book annually - I'm not joking! They're pretty much not available for the impromptu get togethers we parents often have to survive upon in order to materialise a good time.  

They get pissed off, understandably, if you have to cry off at the last-minute with very real excuses. You've wasted their precious time and they can't understand how you've saved them from a terrible illness; especially the older more frail ones. In the past, we've gone ahead with engagements when the kids are mildly sick, not wanting to face the social backlash from a cancellation, and left people seriously close to death sick.

To nurture and protect these friendships, I have to work really hard, I'm super supportive and a good listener.  Unbelievably parenting has actually given me some positives; x-ray vision - perspective - to what matters; content for amusing witty repartees on the horrors of child rearing,  an amazing bullshitometre - I can tell a cheater/liar straight off, the ability to fit a night of partying into a few manic hours of outrageous behaviour.

So, if you're one of my precious DINKS and I've forced you to read this (likely), know that all this is true and I wouldn't be without you.