Fantasy Family Holidays

Screen Addiction Solution?

This one will be less about the Celtic witch and all about the mama! My response to my small son’s patent screen addiction, another idiot, unrealistic, family expectation! I decided the answer lay in getting us ALL to participate in an outdoor family friendly activity. For this ridiculous notion, I chose bicycles, naively believing this was the simplest of solutions?!

Details Schemeetails

Okay, so Laurie can’t really ride his bike, and because he can’t ride it to perfection he isn’t even interested in trying…And my husband didn’t even have a bike, so we certainly didn’t have a roof rack! But I wasn’t going to let a few fundamentals like that get in the way of my romantic ideal!? Details schemeetails…..

Asparagus Variety of Husband

I tried to materialise my family fantasy last weekend….ordering my husband to get himself kitted out on the Friday. Neglecting to remember, him being of the asparagus variety, would be incapable of a simple quick fix but more of an in-depth research project! Needless to say, a bike did not appear until this weekend but give him his due, it was as cheap as chips….

Tailgator Wizardry

He, whilst high on his cheap prize, went wide in the aisles of Halfords and splashed out not only on a cheap bike-rack but also what’s known on the streets as a ‘tail gator’. 

A genius solution for those wishing to partake on a family bike ride, in-spite of their lazy little tyke. This costly contraption connects the kid bike to the adult bike, so basically all the kid has to do is hold on tight…sweet FA on the effort front and perfect for my son!

Never Simple

My husband set about putting it all together on Saturday afternoon, falsely believing and sharing that he would easily finish it all on Sunday morning! After all, how difficult could it be putting together a roof rack and this tail thing….people do this shit all the time don’t they??? A further 2.5 hours later, the sun well and truly over the yardarm, I stuffed 2 hungry kids in the car and disappeared, in a cloud of exasperation, to the nearest pub. 

Roof Wrack Realities

I have to confess, we were all incredibly surprised to see him rock up with the bikes over an hour later….we’d given up! 

Unfortunately, the peddle on one, had broken the rear wiper off! #Happiness. And decided despite the on/off rain showers, to proceed with my crazy plan…After all that bloody effort, we were seeing this through! 

Muddy Riders

Within 30 seconds everyone, except me, my bike has mudguards, was covered in heavy duty mud splatters. No matter, clothes can be washed right….

Damage Limitation

We miraculously did managed quite a few miles before the sky turned threatening and I demanded we return. 

Not being a regular biker, I didn’t fancy being stuck miles from the safety of the car with 2 small drenched children. This was met with moans and groans from all and sundry, joy breaker that I was. 

Mummy is Always Right

However, I was right as always! The journey back was predictably incident rich, my daughter’s chain came off, son discovered that by secretly applying his breaks he could slow his Dad down…. cue a load of expletives from my husband when he found out…child-friendly of course!

Again, of course it took an inordinate length of time to get those wretched mud splattered bikes back onto the rack, in the rain….And in doing so, anything that wasn’t already covered in mud became coated! I thought I was being clever by covering their car seats in black plastic bags, nah it didn’t….the mud found a way….

The After Mess

When we got home in the nearly dark, we faced a bloody mountain of unavoidable tasks! Stripping everyone before they made it past the backdoor and covered the house, washing coats in time for school, getting the bikes off the rack and washed down in the cold, cleaning out both cars, whilst small voices screamed for more food…arrgggggggg, no sitting back with a bottle for us!!! Absolutely fucking exhausting…..

Worth it?

So was it worth it???? All that time, expense, effort for maybe an hour of riding……The kids loved it, my husband’s determined to get his money’s worth but I’ve got a very sore arse….Maybe in Spring when its dry!